Thursday, 23 July 2015

Taking stock...

Hi my lovely blog followers

I'm sorry that I've not been here for months. If you've followed me on Facebook or Twitter, you may know that my father passed away in March.

He hadn't been a well man, fighting cancer as well as dealing with a lot of other health issues. While his pain had increased (his cancer had metastasised to his bones), it was mainly in control and he was still with us in good spirits making jokes, and his mental facilities were all there. He had slowed down quite a bit and while I hadn't been prepared for him to go when he did, his body thought otherwise.

Suffice to say that it's been a difficult path for me and my family since then. And really the last year or so with his ongoing treatment to battle the disease. My life has been about memorial services - we Greeks tend to have a lot of them in the first year - and trying to get back to normal.

But here's the rub, there is no getting back to normal when a parent dies. Especially when you're living in the same house. Dad was a larger than life character and while his antics could make me shake my head at times, cringe at others, and make me mad some instances (as all parents do), I wouldn't have had him any other way. I miss it all.

Dad and me in 2008 when I first got the iMac.
Loved his cheeky grin.
I was ploughing through my to-do lists trying to get some sense of order, but I realised (thanks to dear friends) that I couldn't go on as per normal. That I needed to communicate more and needed to let go of things more. The not letting go was me trying to make things easier for others, so that they didn't feel overwhelmed, but I overwhelmed myself.

So right now, I'm taking stock. Organising myself, clearing the decks, and most importantly, not rushing my grief and my own health. CFS has been another issue as well as increased pain of fibromyalgia. Stress can do that. But if I don't watch out, I will crash and burn and that's something I don't want and something my dad wouldn't have wanted also, having supported me through a number of crashes.

My family have been leaning on each other and my extended family, wow, all I can say is that I love them more than ever. My friends have been there too, each in their own way. Thank you to everyone who sent condolences and has lent support. It has meant the world to me.

Writing? What writing?
There has been no progress in my writing life - my creativity is dried up, and I've not had the energy to edit or be proactive in my career. And for now that's okay. I'm allowing me to heal and allowing me to get my groove back but I have no timeframe of when I will get back to it. We'll see what happens.

However, every so often I will start posting posts on my writing friends as my way of giving back to the community and spreading the word about their work.  It will trickle in as I'm conserving energy (for a subject at Tafe, and RWA conferences for this and next year).  But stay tuned for more posts...

Until next time, be well.



AJ Blythe said...

Eleni, you've a *lot* on your plate, so working at your speed and achieving small things will eventually turn into bigger things - and leave you with your sanity intact (always good *grin*).

See you in Melbourne, m'dear.

Cassandra Samuels said...

There is no time limit for grief. It takes as long as it takes. When you care for others with an illness its easy to put yourself last. Now is the time to give back to yourself. You deserve it. And I'm happy to see you are doing just that. Guving yourself time and sorting things out. Many hugs to you Eleni until I can give you a real one at conference.

Enisa Haines said...

Eleni, grief is an emotion we all experience when we lose a loved one. A time frame on how long it lasts can't be given. It's different for everyone. But do know that one day the grief will pass and when that happens you will be able to reminisce about the times you had with him without your face going blotchy from ever flowing tears. You'll remember him and be able to smile and know your memories are precious. Always know your dad is there in spirit smiling down at you. Take your time recovering from your loss. Grieving isn't easy but it does ease.

Eleni Konstantine said...

AJ! Great to see you. It's been a while my loyal blog follower you. Thank you for your support!!

Cassandra - thank you for the cyber hugs!! I'll take them and of course the one in person at conference :)

Enisa - thank you so much for your lovely words. Yes memories are precious.

Eleni xxxx

Helen and Lorri said...

So sorry to hear of your loss Eleni. Dads are special people. Take care of yourself.

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